Why are you lying to yourself? Lying about what you want. Lying about who you are. Lying to please others. Lying to provide excuses. Just plain ol’ lies.
It’s time to stop.
If you’re like me, you’ve lied to yourself various times about your reality. Hoping to find solace in the fact that you were not willing to either be brave, make sacrifices, and/or to recognize your excuses.
The moment I realized that I was lying to myself was a slap in the face. There I was, the only one to blame in a sea of problems that I created. The day I realized that I had control over everything in my life was the day the lies stopped.
Suddenly, I knew how powerful it was to take responsibility for all of my actions and their outcomes. Once I started taking responsibility, opportunities came, happiness settled-in and accomplishments were achieved.
Although telling yourself lies is easier than facing the truth, you have to try. If not, you’re hindering yourself from becoming the person you are meant to be. The person who lives in their truth, and doesn’t let embarrassment, fear, or social norms cause you to lie to yourself.
Here are some lies that we tell ourselves and suggestions to stop telling these lies:
LIE #1: “It’s not me. It’s them”
Some people go a lifetime lying to themselves about who’s to blame for how their life turned out. Truth be told, they’re the ones who are responsible, not the other people.
Still, some people blame their parents, ex-partners, bosses, co-workers, clients, customers, and everyone. But they’ll never think to blame themselves.
I’m here to let you know that you are the problem. Some of us are blaming people who are dead and gone. You waited your whole life for an apology and never got it. Then, the person passed away. Now you feel eternally robbed of the will to carry on without their apology. Forcing you to condemn them when they are literally incapable of ever being remorseful.
I know that’s a bit extreme, but people are living this lie. The truth is that you are the one who has to take responsibility for your life. No matter what. Yes, someone may have done you wrong, raised you wrong, or inflicted irreversible pain. However, that does not give you the excuse to blame them for your inaction, reactions, or healing process.
Tips to stop using the “it’s them, not me” lie:
- Reclaim your life by taking responsibility for whatever you can control. You may not be able to control if someone ever fixes what they did to you. Meanwhile, you can control how you heal or process the experience.
- Forgive people for their wrongdoings and ignorance.
- Always try to see what part you played in a situation.
- Don’t let anyone else’s actions, stop you from being active.
LIE #2: “They’re taking my kindness for weakness”
Some people react almost immediately to someone who is taking advantage of their kindness.
Disrespect is a no-no, right?
Somehow you know that you need to stop people before the disrespect starts. Although, you give yourself the benefit of the doubt when you disrespect yourself.
Let’s face it, not only might other people be taking your kindness for weakness. You’re also taking your kindness for weakness. Stop lying to yourself.
Every time when you are being passive when it comes to standing up for yourself, you are lying. You’re blatantly depriving yourself of the opportunity to communicate your needs/wants.
You’re also lying when you are humbling yourself to fit into other people’s views of who they think you are.
Stop pretending that you don’t have a voice or you need the approval of others. You don’t.
Tips to stop using the “they’re taking my kindness for weakness” lie:
- Voice your opinion. Even if it is unpopular
- Live your truth. Be who you are.
- Be assertive. Niceness won’t always get you what you need.
- Know your worth and be willing to fight for it.
- Stop giving yourself passes, when you are the one disrespect you. Treat yourself with respect at all times.
LIE #3: “They’re smarter than me.”
The idea that other people are smarter than you is a lie. This is a lie that is used too often, which cripples people from going after the things that they want to achieve. When in reality, being smarter is only a meager portion of the true nature of what it takes to achieve your goals.
Sometimes smarter than you means a lot more than simply being more intelligent than you. In fact, smarter than you could mean more dedicated than you. More consistent than you. Or even having more courage to start than you.
The truth is what we fear is how much more work other people are getting done. Half the time the people that are putting in more work than you aren’t smart AT ALL. However, their work ethic is superior to yours.
If by chance they are smarter than you, that only means that they are putting in the work to learn. You also have that power.
Tips to stop using the “they’re smarter than me” lie:
- Read up on your topic of interest.
- Dedicate yourself to your purpose.
- Find out how much work others are doing in your field, then do more.
- Apply the information that you learn immediately.
- Have faith in yourself and your abilities.
- Don’t keep waiting to start. Just start.
LIE #4: “I don’t have the time.”
This lie is everyone’s favorite. The “I don’t have time” myth. However, you have all the time in the world when you are binge-watching television series. Meanwhile, when it comes time to do the things that are necessary, you rather lie to yourself than make any sacrifices.
Time is not as limited as you think. As a matter of fact, almost everything that surrounds us is designed to help us keep track of our time. You have a clock on your cell phone, watch, tv, in your office, on your laptop, on the stove, and microwave.
If there aren’t any clocks around, there are things to remind us of how much time we have. Notification pinging on our phones. Deadlines on our calendars. Reminders from our coworkers. Even babies remind us that there’s a limited amount of time between their naps and our peaceful breaks.
With that being said, if you don’t have time, it’s because you are not managing it properly. We all have the same amount of hours in a day. Some people choose what they want to do with those hours more efficiently than others. Hence, the fact that other people appear to have more time than you do.
Tips to stop using the “I don’t have time” lie:
- Pay attention to all the sources around you that are reminding you of how much time you have.
- Plan. Use time blocks to manage your time. Then stick to those blocks faithfully.
- Set notifications on your phone for breaks, transitions, and reminders.
- Stop doing counterproductive tasks when you could be working. Tasks such as binge-watching tv-shows, aimlessly scrolling on social media, etc.
LIE#5: “If I don’t get it, it’ll work out”
People like to lie to themselves about not understanding things. Then, instead of actively seeking knowledge, they ignore their problems. Further convincing themselves that it will work out.
For instance, there are so many people who are not managing their student loan debt. They figure that since I don’t have the money, and I don’t really understand loan repayment, I’ll just deal with it when I have the money. It’ll work out.
WRONG!
Nothing will work unless you do. In fact, the only thing that is going to work out when you ignore student loan debt is more payments. This applies to everything in your life.
Things don’t work unless you do. Meaning you have to be actively seeking and applying knowledge for things to work in your favor. If not, you are just prolonging your suffering. Which you will be forced to deal with in the future.
Tips for dealing with the “If I don’t get it, it’ll work out” lie:
- Identify what you do know then start working from there. For instance, with student loans, you may not know what to do, but you can identify the people who do. Consult with them for your next steps.
- Work your way through issues. Things won’t work out if you don’t do something about them.
- Don’t stay dedicated to ignorance. Educate yourself as much as possible then apply the knowledge.
LIE #6: “They’re jealous of me”
People tend to confuse patterns of constructive criticism for people being jealous of them. Instead of self-reflecting, people rather lie to themselves about other people’s intentions. When those people are truly looking out for your best interest.
Although there may be some people that envy you, everyone is not envious of you. Some people are trying to help you.
When you get negative feedback on your work, that could be someone informing you of how you can improve. If someone is informing you of what you should’ve done, they could be giving you advice from experience.
Insecurities are responsible for the “they’re jealous of me lie”. Or maybe even narcissism is responsible. Whatever it is, you must have the confidence to do some self-reflection before you categorize people as haters.
Tips to stop using the “they’re jealous of me” lie:
- Take all feedback and use it to improve whatever area it applies to.
- Take a moment to reflect on the intent of someone’s words. Are they trying to offend you? Or are they trying to help you? If they are trying to offend you, ignore them. If they are trying to help you, engage in a conversation with them.
- If you notice a pattern in the feedback that you keep receiving, apply that feedback.
- Have confidence in yourself and your work.
LIE #7 “I’m too…”
Anything that follows “I’m too..” is usually a negative lie. I’m too ugly. I’m too fat. I’m too broke. I’m too scared. See how derogatory all of those comments sound?
These are lies.
You are not too much of anything that you can’t change. So why force yourself into inaction by making meritless excuses about what you are “too such-and-such” to do?
If by chance you are too much of something to take action, know that it is not permanent. You can choose to change your situation. There’s no reason you should feel stuck with a certain version of yourself forever. You have the power to improve who you are at any moment.
Tips to stop using the “I’m too..” lie:
- Identify the “I’m too” lies that you tell yourself. Then list all the things that you have control over when it comes to that area of your life. Start acting on whatever you can to change the “I’m too” lie.
- Ask other people for help.
- Use daily affirmations to improve your self-confidence.
- Believe in yourself.
- Focus on improvement.
- Ignore negative statements that pop into your head.
Conclusion
You don’t have to seek comfort in lies. Instead, you can seek comfort in the truth and improve your circumstances. Know that you can take responsibility for your actions. And that you shouldn’t take your own kindness for weakness.
Use your strength to improve your work ethic and recognize that you are as smart as everyone else. You also have the same amount of time in your day as everyone does. So use it wisely.
Make sure you are not letting situations work themselves out. Be active in solving your own problems. Know that jealousy and constructive criticism are not synonymous. Some people just want to help.
You can also help yourself by knowing that you are not too much of anything that you can’t change. So stop lying about who you are, what you want, and how you can achieve it. 
